


Go, Please Stay

by putdownthepipe



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: Angry Jen, Eventual Smut, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Judy just wants to help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:42:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24547102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/putdownthepipe/pseuds/putdownthepipe
Summary: Judy tells Jen about hitting Ted and desperately wants to make it right, but Jen never wants to see Judy again. That is, until Jen kills Steve and needs her help.Judy struggles to try to help the woman she loves so much, but hurt so deeply, while Jen wrestles with her conflicting feelings towards Judy.
Relationships: Jen Harding/Judy Hale
Comments: 1
Kudos: 57





	Go, Please Stay

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in the beginning of season 2. But doesn’t exactly follow the storyline.
> 
> Sorry In advance for any mistakes!

Judy couldn’t stop the confession from slipping out. Judy would have said *anything* to stop Jen from blaming herself for Teds death. To stop Jen from hating herself a minute longer. The brunette had not been able to manage the guilt she held knowing that SHE was the one who tore a husband from his wife, SHE was the one who took a father from his sons. And now Jen was saying that she blamed herself for hitting him and driving him away? Judy couldn’t handle the thought of that.

So she told Jen the truth with three simple words.

“No, I hit him”

But Jen didn’t get it. Maybe she was a little drunk, or maybe she was just in too vulnerable a place to even IMAGINE a world in which her best friend would be the one to betray her trust. 

So Judy was forced to spell it out. 

“I had a 66’ mustang..”

And that did it. That was enough for Jen to stop and really look at the women in front of her.

The fallout of the confession was immediate. Jen went from broken and blaming herself for her husbands death, to being face-to-face with the real villain. 

Judy, who she had trusted. Judy, who she had taken in. Judy, who had become part of her family, who had made it feel whole again. 

Judy, who had gotten so close to Jen that neither of them could have imagined a life without the other until this moment. And yet, looking at her now Judy knew that all of that had been destroyed under the weight of her lies, and her manipulation, and the trust that she had broken. 

Now Jen could see Judy the way the brunette saw herself. Despicable. Destructive. Manipulative. Murderer. 

On some level, Judy was relieved to not have to bear hatred towards herself for both of them anymore. Now Jen could hate her for herself. But, this came at the price of losing Jen, who she had come to love more than anything. She knew that she deserved to lose Jen. That it was her cosmic retribution for killing Ted. And so she accepted it. 

Judy didn’t expect to ever hear from Jen again. She knew exactly how the blonde felt about her. Jen wanted her to disappear. And not just from her life, but from the planet. And Judy was willing to oblige. She stood on the side of the road, where Ted had died, and said what would have been her last apology.

But then something unexpected happened. Her phone was buzzing with Jens name illuminating her screen. 

“Judy, I need you to come home”

Judy was confused, but holding on to a shred of hope at the thought of Jen wanting her to come to the house. Maybe it was so she could yell at her more, or threaten her with a gun again.. She wanted to see Jen again, but didn’t know what version of the blonde she would be greeted by.

Judy held onto that hope of least making some sort of amends as she rushed to Jens house.

But then she walked through the gate into Jens backyard she saw Jens blank expression, her eyes staring into the pool. 

And that’s when she noticed the body resting gently in the water of the pool. Steve’s body. Her ex-fiancé’s body, floating dead, in the pool. 

“What are we going to do?”

For Judy, looking back, the rest of the night is a horrific blur of struggling to lift the physical weight of Steve’s body, and also the emotional weight of having to deal with the death of her ex-fiancé. Then having to move him to a freezer, and knowing that it was Jen who had killed him, even if it was in self-defense. 

But the next morning both women had kept it together and made it through the regular routine just like when Judy had lived with them. And although she was still in a state of shock over what they had done, Judy thought that maybe this was her second chance at making things right with Jen. After all, Jen had killed the closest thing she had to a husband. Did that make them even in some cosmetically fucked up way? 

Was it horrible for the brunette to hope that maybe it would? She couldn’t help but wonder if this meant that she could be close to Jen and her boys again.

The thought was quickly dismissed when Jen dropped her off at work and declared,

“We should probably talk about the thing we aren’t going to talk about, before we never talk about it again.”

So Judy promised to keep their secret, and not get all “confessy” as Jen put it. It was clear that Jen still hated her. And that she was only in Jens car because she needed her to swear to never talk about what they had done. And with that agreement in place, Jen drove away. 

And Judy was ok until she reached the sink in the the restroom and saw dried blood on her arm and neck. Steve’s blood. 

And as hard as she scrubbed she couldn’t wash off the feeling of it. She looked in the mirror and was startled by the foreign looking face looking back at her. Her heart began to pound in her ears, and she could feel herself become light headed.

She looked away from the mirror and lowered herself slowly to the floor. The noise in her ears continued to increase and she started to see stars in her peripheral vision. The voice in her head became louder and louder, until it was screaming.

“What-did-you-do-What-did-you-do-What-did-you-do!!”

She wanted the sound to stop, and felt her arms come up to strike at the voice. It was Steve’s voice in her head, and she could hear him yelling at her, telling “what did you do! DRIVE STUPID!”

And then like a dam breaking all the things he yelled at her came flooding through her mind, louder and louder and louder.

And Judy just wanted it all to stop, the thoughts, the voices, the feelings. She curled up in the floor crying to herself until she finally passed out, having cried herself asleep. 

*****

Judy woke up with an ache all throughout her left side. She was still on the floor of the bathroom. Sitting up, she reached for her phone to check the time. 11:17am, she had been asleep on the floor for nearly two hours. 

She still felt exhausted from been up all night with Jen and now she had to clock into work in less than 45 minutes. 

Thankfully she always kept a spare change of clothes at work in her cubby, in case of accident in the craft/art room, which happened quite frequently. She quickly retrieved her clothes and started the process of washing up and making herself presentable for the workday.

The rest of the day dragged slowly on. Judy managed to put on the image of her usual chipper self for the residents and other staff, but by 8pm she was utterly exhausted. She procrastinated clocking out because she knew that she had nowhere to go. 

She thought of Jen for the thousandth time that day and wondered if she was ok.

Was what they did last night haunting her as much as it was haunting Judy?

Judy walked out of the assisted living building and to Abe’s car. Sitting in the drivers seat she could take comfort in the smell of the car and the AM radio which played softly in the background. 

The sun was beginning to set, and Judy could feel her fatigue taking over and pulling her into a fitful state of sleep. 

A loud ringing from her phone pulled Judy back into consciousness. 

*Incoming call from Jen Harding* flashed across her phone. 

Judy quickly answered.

“Hello? Jen?”

She was met with silence on the other end of the phone.

She tried again a little louder, “hello?”

“Hi” Jen replied softly.

“What’s wrong..” Judy began to worry that something had happened with the police, or Steve’s body.

“Nothing! I just..“ Jen voice trails off. 

It seems clear to Judy that Jen is lonely and wanted to feel some sort of connection.

“I’ve been a wreck all day thinking about you and how you’re doing” Judy decides to reply, gaining momentum as she speaks. “All I wanted to do was call you and see if you were ok. I’m so glad you called”

It is so quiet for a moment that Judy checks to make sure Jen hadn’t hung up. 

“I just can’t sleep” Jen finally spoke. “And fuck, I hate to be calling you of all people, but I don’t have anyone else”

Judy feels like someone pushed a blade between her ribs. She hates that she hurt Jen so much.

“And besides, you owe me a fucking LOT. So i know if I call, you have to pick up” 

Judy nods, feeling guilt wash over her again. 

Realizing that Jen can’t see her head nod she adds, “no, you’re right.”

Jen is quiet for a few more moments, then says, “Stay on the phone with me” The words could easily have been a question, but her tone lets Judy know that she is not asking. “Until I’m asleep”

Judys eyes tear up at the memory of Jen asking her that the first time they spoke on the phone all those months ago. 

Judy wipes her eyes and clears her throat before adding, “Of course... until you’re asleep. All the way asleep”

She can hear Jen put the phone down and settle in her bed.

Judy had wished and wished over the past week to be able to do something, anything, to help Jen or make amends. If Jen decided to have her wait on the phone with her every night for the rest of her life, Judy would happily comply. She listens silently for the next hour until she can hear Jens breathing even out. Judy can’t bring herself to hang up when she can still hear, and almost feel, Jen with her after losing her connection to the blonde the night she confessed.

Judy listens to Jen breathing softly through the phone for hours until she finally feels sleep come over her.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second attempt at writing, so I am still really new, but I hope you were able to enjoy some of this. I loved writing it and have a pretty clear idea of where exactly it will go.
> 
> Please leave me a comment letting me know what you think/feel! Constructive criticism is always welcome :)


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